ANCHE I SUPEREROI
HANNO PAURA
(PERCHé NESSUNO LO AMMETTE)

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Forse non dovrei dirtelo.

Non vuoi saperlo.

Questo articolo distruggerà tutto quello che sto piano piano costruendo.

Ma io voglio dirti la verità.

Una verità amara da buttare giù, ma penso che tu debba saperlo.

Vorrei che il nostro rapporto sia fondato innanzitutto sulla fiducia e sulla libertà di dirci quello che pensiamo.

Quindi ecco, te lo dico.

Anche i supereroi hanno paura.

Anche chi ha successo ha paura.

Anche io ho paura.

Una paura che mi blocca, mi confonde, mi paralizza e mi fa dubitare delle mie scelte.

Tu hai paura? Hai mai avuto paura?

Non ci credo che non hai mai avuto paura, non è possibile.

Ecco, ora va meglio. Hai paura anche tu.

Ed è difficile ammetterlo, anche a noi stessi.

Per questo voglio parlarti della paura.

Perché nessuno ne parla mai, invece è molto importante che tu sappia affrontare la paura quando busserà alla tua porta.

Paura e multipotenziali

***Sonia, ma che centra questo articolo…io voglio sapere come gestire la mia multipotenzialità?***

Ed è proprio per questo che dovresti leggere questo articolo.

Quando segui la massa, quando fai un percorso che tanti altri hanno fatto, quando fai quello che ci si aspetta da te è meno probabile che tu abbia paura.

Cosa dovresti temere? Sai già come andrà a finire, giusto?

Potrebbe non piacerti, ma è più difficile che tu abbia paura di affrontarlo.

Noi multipotenziali, infatti, non lo vogliamo fare.
Non vogliamo seguire un sentiero già tracciato, vero?
Non c’è niente di divertente.

Però quando perdiamo la strada maestra ed a un certo punto la foresta diventa buia, ostile e in salita, i lupi ululano e il freddo ci fa battere i denti…beh allora sì che abbiamo paura.

***No, Sonia, io la paura non so neanche dove abita.***

Non ci credo.

Tutti abbiamo paura, te l’ho già detto.
È parte del nostro essere umani.

Perché sì, siamo un po’ supereroi, ma siamo dei supereroi umani, proprio per questo possiamo essere eroi.

Lo so, forse non dovrei dirti queste cose.

Non dovrei parlarti delle mie paure e delle paure che potresti incontrare lungo il tuo cammino per vivere una vita multipotenziale.

Voglio essere onesta con te.

Questo NON sarà un percorso semplice.
NON sarà in discesa.
NON c’è una strada già tracciata.

Io stessa NON posso insegnarti niente.
Posso darti delle linee guida, darti degli esempi e motivarti quando non ce la farai a farlo da solo.
Ma il percorso è tuo e solo tu puoi sapere come impostarlo.

E sì, durante la strada avrai paura.
Perché ti ritroverai da solo.
Perché dovrai tranquillizzare quelli che non hanno capito le tue scelte e non ti potrai sfogarti con nessuno.
Perché non saprai bene dove starai andando e se da una parte è quello il bello, dall’altra l’incertezza ci terrorizza.

Per questo ho scritto questa guida, perché tu ed io possiamo rileggerla tutte le volte che saremo terrorizzati da quello che ci aspetta e avremo bisogno di un’arma per sconfiggere il drago.

Quindi metti da parte l’orgoglio e togliti il costume da supereroe: non c’è niente di male ad avere paura.

Perché rifiutiamo la paura

La società ci ha insegnato che la paura rende deboli.
Che non dobbiamo mostrarci terrorizzati perché i nemici possono sfruttare le nostre paure.

“Devi essere forte, non puoi avere paura.”

“Devi essere sicuro, non puoi avere ripensamenti, non puoi avere paura di aver sbagliato.”

“Non puoi sbagliare, se no sei un fallito e sei anche un fifone perché hai paura.”

“Gli uomini di successo sono coraggiosi.”

“Devi essere positivo, fiducioso e continuare a lottare”

Quante volte l’hai letto e sentito?

“Pensa positivo.”

“Le tue paure si trasformano in realtà.”

“La paura ti blocca, non permettergli di impossessarti di te. Agisci.”

Sì, anche io tantissime volte.

Per un periodo ci ho anche creduto.

E ci credo ancora, davvero.
Non solo quando le cose vanno bene, ci credo anche quando le cose vanno meno bene. Anche quando vanno male. Vedi, quasi non riesco neanche a scrivertelo.

Il mio mantra è da sempre:

“Sei felice perché sorridi, non viceversa”.

C’è un però.

C’è qualcosa che non ci hanno detto, qualcosa che ho scoperto solo con anni e anni di paure.

Vuoi saperlo anche tu? Bene, continua a leggere.

Cosa dovresti sapere sulla paura

Questo meccanismo genera un problema, un grande problema.

Pensare positivo non è sufficiente.
NON puoi evitare di avere paura.
E chiunque ti dica il contrario mente.

La paura è una risposta istintiva, vecchia migliaia di anni, miliardi di anni.

Quanto possiamo essere diventati presuntuosi per pensare di poter cambiare il funzionamento del cervello umano?

No, non possiamo. Non dall’oggi al domani almeno.

C’è bisogno di tempo, c’è bisogno di costanza e c’è bisogno di ripetizione.

Se la tua reazione a determinati eventi della tua vita è sempre stata la paura, è sempre stata scappare, trovare un alibi, trovare una scusa – non importa quanto tu possa esserne cosciente, quanto puoi aver lavorato su te stesso – la prima cosa che il tuo cervello farà sarà attivare l’amigdala e farti provare paura.

Ormai è troppo tardi per pensare positivo. Troppo tardi per cambiare idea.

Ma c’è qualcosa che puoi fare.

Qualcosa che potrebbe salvarti dall’entrare in una crisi profonda.

Cosa fare quando si ha paura

 

No, non ti dirò pensa positivo.
Non ti dirò abbia coraggio.
Quello viene dopo.

La prima cosa è riconoscere la paura.

Avere coscienza che ti stai facendo prendere dal panico può fare la differenza.

Come riconoscerla?

Beh, non c’è una regola che va bene per tutti o un sistema scientifico per farlo.

Devi imparare ad ascoltarti.
Mettiti in una stanza, in silenzio, chiudi gli occhi e ascolta le vocine nel tuo cervello.

No tranquillo, non è il segnale di disturbi di personalità multipla.

Quella vocina è l’espressione delle tue paure.
Si insinua nella tua testa, prima fievole e silenziosa, poi piano piano inizia ad interrompere tutti i tuoi pensieri, a diventare fastidiosa e insinuare pensieri negativi e ansiogeni.

È quella vocina che dice E se…

E se non fossi poi così bravo…”
E se non riuscissi a portare a termine questo progetto”
E se stessi solo perdendo tempo”
E se dovessi imparare a rassegnarmi a vivere la vita che tutti vivono senza sempre dover essere la voce fuori dal coro”

E se questa scelta condizionasse tutto il resto della mia vita”

La riconosci vero?

Succede anche a te, ci scommetto.

Allora sai cosa puoi fare?

Scrivi le tue paure.

Quando inizi a sentire quella vocina prendi carta e penna, o Evernote o qualsiasi altro sistema che usi per prendere appunti e butta giù.

Senza pensarci troppo, senza giudicarti e senza mettere un freno.

Nel Novecento scrittori come Joyce e Svevo lo chiamavano stream of consciousness, ovvero flusso di coscienza: senza logica, senza punteggiatura, senza una scrittura chiara e precisa…esattamente come i tuoi pensieri.

Scrivere è terapeutico, lasciatelo dire da una che ha scritto un libro (mai pubblicato…per paura, guarda un po’) per sciogliere alcuni enigmi della sua vita.

Ecco che così avrai chiaro cos’è che ti spaventa, cosa la tua mente sta percependo come un pericolo.

E poi?

Ho spesso sentito dire che la paura è il segnale che la nostra mente inconscia e la nostra mente conscia non sono esattamente allineate.

Che in quella determinata situazione tu abbia sbagliato scelta, non sei centrato.

L’ho pensato spesso nella mia vita: la paura, le malattie, i pensieri sono gli unici segnali con cui il nostro inconscio può comunicare col nostro cervello razionale.

Ma come fai a sapere che la paura non è derivante, invece, da una serie di programmazioni mentali dovuti alla cultura, all’ambiente in cui siamo cresciuti, ai nostri genitori…alla nostra scarsa autostima.

Quindi sì, la tua mente ti vuole dire qualcosa con la paura e su questo sono d’accordo.

Ma cosa sta a te scoprirlo.

Perciò il mio consiglio è di assecondare la paura per capire esattamente da dove proviene.

Devi lasciare che la paura si sfoghi e si scarichi.

Dopo aver attivato l’amigdala, infatti, il tuo corpo si paralizzerà, non riuscirai a fare nulla, a pensare lucidamente, a compiere anche una banale azione che ti possa far star meglio.
Perciò fermati.
Fermati il tempo necessario.
Non dirmi che non puoi, perché se non ti fermi tu il tuo corpo troverà un modo per fermarti e non sarà molto piacevole.

La paura sopprime il sistema immunitario, lo rallenta, esponendoti ad un rischio più alto di contrarre malattie (cosiddette malattie psicosomatiche).

Fermati, te lo ripeto.

Fai tua quella paura, datti tempo di elaborarla a livello razionale per capire qual è la sua natura e soprattutto NON fare nessuna scelta avventata.

NON far decidere alla paura

Questa è la parte più difficile, lo riconosco.

Fino qui abbiamo fatto cose semplici, gestibili…ma adesso?

Adesso viene il bello, perché qualsiasi decisone prenderai mentre sei nel panico più totale sarà una decisione sbagliata.

Dopo aver riconosciuto le tue paure ed esserti preso del tempo per metabolizzare e sfogare queste paure è arrivato il momento di seguire i consigli di tutti quei guru di cui abbiamo parlato all’inizio.

È arrivato il momento di convincere prima la tua parte razionale e poi tutti gli altri cervelli (limbico, il centro delle emozioni e rettiliano, il centro dell’istinto primordiale) che non c’è niente di cui avere paura.

Parlati.

Spiega a te stesso da dove deriva questa paura.

Convinciti.

Riporta alla memoria tue esperienze personali che dimostrano al tuo cervello che non ha nulla da temere.

Medita.

Respira.

Parla davanti allo specchio.

Usa un po’ il metodo che ritieni più giusto per te, che funziona con te, ma convinciti.

Non hai niente da temere.

L’hai già fatto. Una volta, due volte, cento volte.

Hai già provato la stessa paura, ma alla fine hai avuto successo.

E per successo intendo che sei riuscito a raggiungere il risultato che volevi ottenere, forse anche meglio, forse peggio, forse ci hai messo più tempo del previsto, forse è stato più difficile di quanto avessi immaginato o più facile…l’importante è che ci sei riuscito.

Perché il SUCCESSO non 0-1, il successo è una linea di tendenza.

Quindi guarda la cosa da un’altra prospettiva e segui la linea di tendenza: puoi riuscirci di nuovo.

NON sopprimere la paura

La cosa più importante è NON sopprimere la paura.

Convincerti non significa non pensare al fatto che hai paura.
Significa che razionalmente tu capisci che la paura è insensata e le tue emozioni si adatteranno alla tua ragione.

NON è una cosa facile.
NON è una cosa immediata.
NON è una cosa puoi fare una volta sola.

Trova il tuo scacciapensieri. Un oggetto, un mantra, una persona, un pensiero.

Un qualsiasi tipo di ancoraggio che aiuti a scacciare la paura.
Che sia familiare, rassicurante, confortante.

Non posso dirti io cosa scegliere. Però ti farò un esempio per farti capire cosa intendo.

Cosa faccio quando ho paura

Ti confesso una cosa: ho paura di volare.


Davvero. Non scherzo. Ho paura degli aerei.

Abbastanza da avere le palpitazioni a ogni sobbalzo, infatti cerco di scegliere i posti davanti in aereo perché si balla di meno che in coda.

Ho anche tante altre paure ovviamente…ma userò questa per raccontarti cosa faccio per gestirla.

Dopo vari discorsi con me stessa – sì, lo so che può sembrare una cosa da ricovero ma palare con me stessa mi aiuta sempre molto…ti consiglio di provare – ho anche scoperto da cosa deriva questa fobia: la mia mania di controllo non mi fa sentire sicura su un aereo perché qualsiasi cosa succedesse non saprei cosa fare, perché non conosco i capitani, perché non posso controllare nulla su un aereo in mezzo al cielo…

Così ho prima di tutto convinto la mia parte razionale:
ho letto qualsiasi nozione di fisica per capire perché un aereo può volare, perché può cadere e cosa succede quando ci sono turbolenze e temporali durante la rotta;
ho cercato gli itinerari più problematici, tipo i transatlantici o quelli che passano sulle montagne per sapere con certezza cosa aspettarmi durante il volo;
ho smesso di vedere film di aerei che cadevano (soprattutto in aereo);
ho cercato tutte le percentuali legate agli incidenti aerei (quanti cadono, quanti sopravvivono, quali tratte hanno percentuali più alte e quali compagnie aeree).

Questo mi ha aiutato a non smettere di volare.

Quando sono sull’aereo, però, non è più solo la parte razionale che ha bisogno di essere convinta e tranquillizzata: il mio cervello limbico tenta di farmi morire d’infarto, farmi alzare e gridare in panico o, ancora peggio, andare in cabina e provare a pilotare io l’aereo 😀

Quando inizia una turbolenza, quindi, e parte il segnale d’allarme dalla mia amigdala  provo a distrarmi: film, musica, scrivo…qualsiasi cosa.

A volte però la paura è troppo forte (o la turbolenza è particolarmente impegnativa) e non riesco a concentrarmi, così mi fermo, stringo un bracciolo con una mano e mi metto l’altra sul diaframma e inizio a fare dei respiri profondi.

4-7-8

4 secondi inspiro, 7 secondi trattengo, 8 secondi espiro.

E nella mia mente continuo a ripetermi che non c’è nulla da temere, che non ho paura, che le percentuali di incidenti aerei sono minori di quelli stradali ecc…

E continuo così finché il mio cuore rallenta e la paura inizia a diminuire e io posso concentrarmi nuovamente su qualcos’altro.

Non farti fermare dalla paura

La paura è qualcosa di fondamentale.

Non devi odiarla, perché in realtà permette la nostra sopravvivenza e ci porta ad evitare le situazioni di pericolo.

La cosa importante è imparare a gestirla.

TI ripeto, non puoi smettere di avere paura ma puoi imparare a gestirla.

Ci vuole tempo, devi ripetere spesso a te stesso che non c’è nulla da temere e devi lasciare, ogni tanto, che la tua paura si sfoghi, devi permetterti di avere paura.
Poi quando hai dato il tempo a te stesso di creare tutti i film più drammatici nella tua testa, devi smontarli uno per uno, in modo convincente e con tutte le prove che ti servono per essere tranquillo.

C’è una cosa che non devi dimenticarti!

La paura NON deve fermati.

NON devi permetterlo.

Perché se lascerai che la paura a scelga per te cosa puoi o non puoi fare, non sarai mai felice.

E ricorda. Qualsiasi scelta tu abbia fatto che ti terrorizza così tanto:

  • Mai dire Mai
  • Tutto è reversibile, tranne la morte
  • C’è sempre tempo
  • Non ti sentirai mai abbastanza preparato per fare qualcosa cosa
  • Si rischia sempre qualcosa, anche rimanendo fermi
  • Le tue scelte ti porteranno da qualche parte, non importa dove, perché potrai sempre rimetterti in viaggio per cercare una nuova destinazione
  • Durante il percorso hai imparato qualcosa che sarà utile per il prossimo viaggio, qualsiasi cosa sia

Vedrai che, man mano, ti scoprirai sempre più coraggioso e forte, proprio perché avrai affrontato le tue paure e avrai vinto.

TOCCA A TE

Scrivi nei commenti qual è la paura più grande che ha rischiato di fermarti più volte e racconta come l’hai sconfitta.

Sarai sicuramente di spunto a qualcuno che è nella tua stessa situazione.

Entra nel gruppo Facebook, lì ci raccontiamo anche le nostre paure, perché come una vera famiglia nessuno giudica nessuno e tutti sono pronti a supportarsi.

Vuoi essere dei nostri?

676 commenti su “Anche i Supereroi hanno Paura”

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